Abhishek Shukla

Barren Patch

Word Count: 4,479

“Prateek, I won’t take too long”, Alok reached Prateek’s desk and started hurriedly. “I just want to express my displeasure with the compensation I’ve received.”

Prateek signaled him to pull a chair.

“I’d already told you, Atul. I’d given you ‘Met Expectations’ rating. The hike has been low across the organization this year”, Prateek calmly said. “For you also―”

“I know that! Everyone’s got the same 10-12 percent. But at least everyone received their full bonus. I got only 60 percent of it”, Alok went misty-eyed and said with a lump in his throat. “It’s deducted to give a warning to underperformers.”

“I’m really not sure. I’d given you a good rating”, Prateek was bemused at the revelation.

“I know that. I’ve seen my rating. I’m just not sure why my bonus was deducted…”, Atul added. “I never backed down from any task. You know that. And if I was lacking at something, you could’ve told me directly in the review”, tears dropped as he finished speaking.

“Hey… It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Relax…!”, Prateek handed him the water bottle. He didn’t want the gossipmongers to notice this. “Have it…”. He waited for him to stop sobbing. “Atul. You know me. I kept the whole process transparent. I’d told you my review even before sending it to Indra. I’m sure this happened at the higher management level”, Prateek clarified.

“That’s fine. But that won’t change anything, right?”

“You can raise a grievance request… If you want.”

“Yes…”, Atul hesitated, “but it would take weeks to even process my request”, he added. “You tell me… has anyone ever received a raise after raising grievance”, he looked inconsolable.

Prateek knew it. There was no point in raising a grievance. Who would know this better than him? The best one can receive from it is a no-response or a rejected status from the management. Because having one’s complaint registered is a guaranteed path of misery.

“But that’s the standard procedure”, he said. His heart wanted to hug Atul and tell him that he understands his helplessness, but his brain suggested otherwise. It wanted him to not react. Atul remained silent. A few moments later, he got up from the chair and started to leave.

“Fine. I’ll check with Indra what happened post I gave my review”, Prateek said and cursed himself the next moment for saying it.

Atul’s face brightened up a little. “Thanks, Prateek. I’ll wait for your response”, he said and left.

Prateek locked his laptop and went to the cafeteria to get himself a coffee. ‘I shouldn’t have said that. The standard procedure is to raise grievance’, he screamed at himself, silently.

Prateek had joined the IT industry right after finishing college. In his initial days, his seniors had told him that it usually takes a few months for one to get settled in the IT culture. It’s been 7 years for him, but he’s as settled as a bamboo bridge on a torrential river. He found some of the practices―that appeared common to everyone―ridiculous and could never wrap his head around them.

He was never a bright student but had his own opinions on matters around him. He was one of those whom people recommended pursuing IAS even though he never scored more than the average. In IT, opinions were welcome, but only when they flowed down the hierarchy, accurately and unquestionably. Even though he only occasionally questioned any decision, the dissonance he constantly felt never allowed him to fully accept his work.

And the few times when he questioned, he did it with such passion and ownership that the results turned out to be catastrophic. He got stodgy work assigned, received bad ratings, got shifted from projects, and was marked as problematic. It led to making a dent in his paycheck and restricted his promotion. While people with the same experience became Team Leads within 6 years, he didn’t. It took several reminders for installments of his college fee loan and a few rejections at Shaadi.com for him to control his questions. But it was already late by then. So, he finally had to change the company to escape his reputation.

The new organization offered him good money and a Team Lead position too. Anyone he met advised him to view this as a boon and not screw the opportunity with his attitude. In one year, he learned the craft of responding to questions with non-answers, talking for hours without expressing any honest opinion, lying at client’s face when asked about project timelines, and made himself appear to be a strong advocate of corporate values, tailor-made for the corporate culture.

The ghosts of his past kept troubling him time-and-again. He kept eliminating the word ‘why’ from the dictionary and it kept on appearing regardless. He did end up making a few minor mistakes but survived by retracting at the right time. With continuous efforts, he made himself able at taking any order and executing it with complete subservience. At times, to overcompensate for his lack of conviction, he went overboard at executing orders. So much that he got rewarded with a bonus within the first 6 months in the organization. ‘I shouldn’t have said that’, he repeated to himself. He might not have if it would’ve been anyone else except Atul.

Atul was a reliable guy. He was great at his work, straight-forward in his approach, and extremely shy. He always managed to do more work than assigned but was too bashful to ask for credit from anyone. He was infamous for giving honest responses that had the potential to offend anyone who was too used to corporate flattery. Though others despised him for it, Prateek loved it.

‘With the amount of work he had done, in another project, with better negotiation skills and combative attitude, he could’ve probably got himself a promotion this year’, he thought. He felt disappointed that a good hard-working person couldn’t receive even the bare minimum of what he deserved.

He reached the cafeteria and got a coffee for himself. He looked at the lawn outside; trimmed to perfection, with sunlight falling, and water being sprinkled at regular intervals. The lawn was covered by a boundary of neatly kept marigolds, shining like scattered reflections of the sun. He closed his eyes for a few moments and felt their warmth on his face.

As he opened his eyes, his gaze directly fell at the corner where a patch of marigold was missing. The corner was covered from two sides by huge False Ashoka trees, disabling it from receiving any water from the sprinklers and sunlight for most of the day. It looked unfortunate. It appeared like the kid who remained an orphan even after being born in a joint family. He shook his head as he felt disgusted at the sight. He kept the cup down and went back to his desk.

He knew himself well enough. If he got involved, the kick of doing the right thing would lead him to results that can only harm his career. He had spent the last year working on getting this urge under control and didn’t want to spoil it. He spent the next few minutes devising plans of either avoiding or fooling Atul. ‘No confrontations, no standing up’, he reminded himself.

As he reached his desk, he noticed Atul diligently working on the next desk. He sat down and opened his mailbox. At the top was a mail from the company screaming ‘WE CELEBRATE THE BEST’. He sighed and placed his head on his palms. The experiences from his previous company crowded his mind space. He got up, shook his head, and opened a new mail. He kept his manager Indra’s name in the receiver and typed:

Hi Indra,
The performance evaluation results were announced yesterday. I would like to thank you for making sure my subordinates received the ratings that I desired to provide.

One of my subordinates, Atul, informed me this morning that though he received a satisfactory rating, he was awarded only 60 percent of his bonus amount. Can we please discuss the same whenever you’re free?

Thanks & Regards
Prateek

He marked the subject ‘Discussion on performance evaluation results’ and sent it. He continued with his work hoping to receive a call from Indra for the discussion. In a few minutes, he received a response from Indra.

Hi Prateek,
I had forwarded the same to the higher management. A call would have been taken there considering the budget and other related constraints and the same would’ve been received by Atul.

Regards
Indra

Prateek hadn’t expected a straightforward answer, but the total lack of explanation baffled him. He knew that taking it forward from here can be catastrophic. He reconsidered for a while, but couldn’t make peace with the idea of dropping the question. He imagined how easy it would be to tell Atul, ‘I didn’t get a response from anyone’, or even easier to say, ‘I’ll get back to you in a day or two’, and then waiting for him to give up. But halfway through he realized how tough it actually would be for him. He opened a new mail, kept his senior manager Akram in the receiver, and Indra in CC, and typed:

Hi Akram,
The performance evaluation results were announced yesterday. I would like to thank you for making sure my subordinates received the ratings that I desired to provide.

One of my subordinates, Atul, informed me this morning that though he received a satisfactory rating, he was awarded only 60 percent of his bonus amount.

I checked with Indra and he informed that the rating was forwarded as-is from his end.

Can we please discuss the same whenever you’re free?

Thanks & Regards
Prateek

He marked the same subject and sent it with the hope of receiving a call from Akram for the discussion. An hour passed, and to his surprise, he received a message from Indra.

I: Hey buddy
P: Hi Indra
I: What’s going on?
P: Usual. Work…
I: No. I mean with Atul.
P: I just needed to know what happened post my review.
I: Hmm… What’s there to be checked? Are you being troubled?
P: No. Just wanted to know. Out of curiosity.
I: Okay. I thought there’s something serious. I hope that’s not the case. Right?
P: Yes. Absolutely.
I: Good. See you.

He felt relieved that he got done with the chat without making any righteous remarks. He noticed it was lunchtime, so he locked his system, he went out for lunch. He was taken by surprise when he got to know that he was the hot topic of conversation among the group. Everyone knew about his emails to Indra and Akram.

“What boss? Fighting for your resources, haan? Good, good”, one said satirically. “Not liking your peaceful life or what?”, he added.

“It happens. After a few years of mundaneness, people seek some adventure”, the second one said and everyone laughed.

“Good that you asked. After all, you’re lucky that you’re under Akram. He is entertaining your questions. My manager simply doesn’t respond”, the third one said.

“That’s right in a way… One works for years to reach a position where he can make some decisions. Suppose you become a senior manager tomorrow, would you want to be answerable for such things?”, the fourth one asked.

“See… whether one likes it or not. A senior manager’s decision is a project’s decision. It must be respected”, the fifth one―senior most in the group―said.

“How did you all get to know?”, Prateek asked.

“We are in the business of information, bhai. If we won’t know, then who will?”, first one said.

“So, Prateek, what’s the plan? What’s ahead now?”, the sixth one asked.

“I have no plan. I asked because I wanted to know and they are the only ones who have answers. Do anyone of you know how the bonus is calculated?”, Prateek replied.

“Yes, sure. Your manager considers all the performance variables, then decides if he likes you or not, tells his decision to the algorithm, and the algorithm calculates the same”, the second one said and everyone laughed.

“I’ve been getting full bonus since I’m here. How? Why? By whom? These are all boring questions for me”, the third one said.

“Let me tell you something interesting then. Do you guys know Anita from HR?”, the fourth one asked and caught everyone’s curiosity. “The one under Prakash’s… supervision!”. The table echoed with laughter.

The discussion continued and drifted through a variety of gossips. Prateek quickly finished his lunch and went back to his desk. Upon unlocking the system, he noticed a response from Akram.

Hi Prateek,
The feedback I receive from all the managers is evaluated against multiple factors and on a comparative basis, the decisions related to performance appraisal are made.

@Paayal, please help Prateek in understanding the same.

Best Wishes,
Akram Sheikh

Paayal was the project’s HR. Prateek understood the hint. If HR is involved, the matter has caught the eye of management. Else, managers remain wary of tagging HRs; not because they pose any danger to the management, but because their pretense consumes immense time. Also, because an HR initiated conversation can lead to confrontation; something that managers hate to the teeth.

As he was contemplating the multiple scenarios that this can lead to, he received an email from Paayal. Both Indra and Akram were tagged in it.

Hi Pratik,
The company has updated its performance review strategy last year. We have moved from the old, manual, bell curve assessment approach to the new, automated, individual development plan approach.

In this approach, feedback is received from multiple sources including a resource’s team lead, manager, senior manager, client SPOC, business, strategy, finance, and planning. The same is evaluated against individual, project, organization, and market goals, and then based on the project budget, product demand, market value, resource’s skill, organization’s skill capacity planning, and various other factors, the resource is assigned with a hike percentage and percentage of the bonus amount to be paid.

These calculations are made through our own Individual Development Planning Algorithm (IDPA)™ in which all the above-mentioned factors―and a few more―act as variables. The inputs for each variable are received from relevant organizational and third-party sources. Please note that not all variables hold the same weightage in the algorithm.

Please let me know if you have any further queries.

Thanks,
Paayal

The mail was corporate-speak at its superfluous best. The IDPA was a known sham. Employees across the organization hatefully expanded it as Incremental Distortion per annum, but no one dared to question it. He spent the next few minutes venting rage at the keyboard. He typed three long drafts in response and deleted them all. In the end, he committed the ultimate thought crime: Asking a direct question.

Hi Paayal,
Can you please provide me the link to the algorithm? I would like to check all the variables and how they contribute to the calculation.

Thanks & Regards
Prateek

As he expected, it led to an eruption at the nearest sensitive spot. Indra called him to meet at his cabin.

“Hey, buddy! Come. Sit!”, Indra said, still looking at his laptop screen, as Prateek entered. “Thanks, Indra”, he sat hesitatingly.

“What’s going on?”, Indra asked. Both intuitively knew the topic of discussion.

“Indra, you know how much Atul has worked the last year. Ideally, he should’ve got a promotion. Instead, he didn’t even get his full bonus”, Prateek explained genuinely.

“It's not that straight-forward. See, for you, it’s a contest among 4. For me, among 48. For Akram, among 300. And for Chetan, among 1700. You understand the scale?”

Prateek nodded.

“Added to that there are multiple factors”, Indra continued, “Sales, budget, feedback, market value. All of that has to be considered.”

“I understand, Indra. That’s why I’m not even asking about promotion or hike. Bonus is part of the regular pay. The company secures it since the beginning, regardless of earnings. A cut in that means a warning for underperformance!”

“Performance just isn’t work, Prateek. How was his score at the innovation index? Or his participation in annual activities. Or his client feedback.”

“Those sections were left nil for Rohit. He received a promotion.”

“He is a dependency. If he left the company, the entire project might be sabotaged. You know that risk already.”

“Yes. That’s why I’m not even questioning his promotion. Neither I’m asking about Atul’s.”

“You are confused!”, Indra kept his laptop aside and placed both his hands on the desk.

“No, I’m not”, Prateek said aggressively. Then understanding that this might not go well, he continued in a softer tone, “I’m not, Indra. Trust me. I’m not even asking about promotion. I’m asking about the bonus.”

Indra scratched his forehead and replied, “Adjustments have to be made to compromise for the losses.”

“We made a profit last year. Both as an organization and as a project. I read the financial report”, Prateek said in an attempt to hold the bull directly by the horns.

“Okay…”, Indra started dryly. “Okay! I understand your curiosity. After all, you’ll soon be climbing the ranks, Mr. Team Lead”, he said with a smirk. “In a huge project like ours, adjustments have to be made to satisfy the needs of all the resources, especially the ones who are high in demand. How do you think received a bonus in the middle of the year?”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t have to cut anyone’s bonus for that?”, he said smiling. Indra’s piercing gaze made him nervous.

“You wish to ask HR about that too?”, Indra smiled looking directly into his eyes. “I don’t need to explain further. Prateek… think like a future manager and act like you are one already.”

Prateek remained silent and smiled back in response.

“Okay. I’ll let you continue with your work now”, Indra placed the laptop back at the center of the table.

Prateek left his cabin thinking of the thousand savage replies he could’ve given. He considered going back and asking Indra directly, ‘Did you use that guy’s money for funding something else?’, but he didn’t. He feared that Indra might link this to the bonus he had received. He couldn’t understand why he felt guilty about it, as he hadn’t even asked for it. The possibility of being a beneficiary of this system made him question his place in it. For a moment, he felt he should resign―a thought that crosses his mind every other month. He reminded himself of all the reasons he had programmed to convince himself of not doing so.

He reached his desk and noticed an email from Paayal.

Hi Pratik,
PFA the updated company policy for performance evaluation and appraisals and training documents. Please let me know if you have any further queries.

Thanks,
Paayal

The email had 6 files attached. He opened the first file. It was 340-page long with an index that had at least 20 words he was sure only a lawyer would be able to comprehend. He opened the other 5 files. The smallest among them was 230-page long. He calculated the total number of pages. Even if he read 50 pages a day, it would still take him at least a week to finish. He knew he had got himself in a mess, but there was no going back from here.

That evening, he reached home and started reading the training document. It took him 20 minutes to understand the Agenda statement. He tried for a few hours and covered the section that provided the history of performance assessment. Finally, his exhaustion got the best of him and pushed him into sleep.

The next morning, he continued with the work and tried to read whenever he had free time. He met Indra when he went for his evening coffee. He was on a call, but came swiftly to him and offered him a fist bump with a broad smile. “I’m happy that we’re on the same page”, he said. Though Prateek responded to the bump and the smile, it took him some time to link them to the absence of his response to Paayal’s mail. Based on his reading progress since yesterday, he recalculated the time it will take for him to finish it all. He knew it won’t work out this way. If they wanted to provide the information, they could’ve done it as directly as possible. These documents were ways of delaying and demoralizing him.

He continued reading that day. Until midnight, he could finish only 60 percent of the first document. He reached office the next morning and replied to Paayal’s mail:

Hi Paayal,
I read all the documents. There isn’t much substantial information provided. Can you please help me with a resource that can directly take me to the algorithm and its variables?

Thanks,
Prateek

He played the ultimate bluff. If there is information, she’ll have to redirect him and if there’s not… well then, no one knows what would happen. He clicked the send button and waited for the blast. He knew he was taking her head-on and was enjoying it. He felt a sense of elation as he didn’t just confront the authority, but even managed to escape their tricks. ‘How easy it would be if these guys could simply admit: yes, we made a mistake. I might not have even followed up if they would’ve promised to compensate Atul in the next financial year’, he thought.

With the elation, he also felt sudden bouts of nervousness. He found himself not being able to focus, taking too many breaks, and stuttering too often. He somehow managed till afternoon and then went out to meet an office friend for lunch. He imagined it might help, but all he could think about was what’s Paayal’s response going to be. He finished the lunch and rushed back to his desk.

He unlocked his system and found a mail waiting for him.

Hi Pratik,
We have received a grievance request for one of the previous year’s performance reviews provided by you. We will be initiating a series of conversations in the coming weeks to address the mentioned grievance.

Thanks,
Human Capital Management

The suddenness of the move pulled the rug beneath his feet. He wanted it to be someone else, but he knew it was Atul. His fingers ran through his hair. He was furious. He kept his head down on the table and got himself to calm down. Soon his disappointment took over his anger. He opened the chat and wrote:

P: Hi Atul
A: Hi Prateek
P: I received a grievance request against me
A: It isn’t against you... I just thought to take the told way

Before he could respond, his mailbox popped up a notification.

Hi Pratik,
We are updating the policy document as per the Employee-Market skill ratio that was declared by David in our recent Global All Hands Meeting. I will send you the revised documents post the update. We can meet and discuss the same before it if you wish.

Thanks,
Paayal

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He switched the tab and reopened the chat. A: You had also suggested that… Anyhow, no one even notices it… It takes weeks to process a request

‘Not if it's raised against me, dumbass!’, Prateek typed but then deleted his response. He knew that even chats are monitored as part of the grievance redressal process. He spent a minute thinking of the best non-response.

P: Hmm. Let’s meet and see how best we can resolve it.

He counted on the sluggish corporate pace and packed his bag to call it a day. After all, what else could go worse? He spent the next few minutes sorting the last few mails while battling simultaneous conflicting thoughts. One extreme tried giving him the belief that no one will take any action for a few weeks and the matter would drop by itself. The other extreme asked him to resign and leave the company immediately. Another extreme told him to drop the battle and ask Imran to sort the mess. And another extreme charged him to fight it head-on. He hurriedly replied to a mail and opened that last one he was supposed to respond to. As he was typing, a new notification popped up carrying a meeting invite.

Hi,
Let’s meet this evening at 5:30 PM to discuss the grievance raised.

Best Wishes,
Akram Sheikh

He read the invite a couple of times and reimagined all conflicting options. The incongruity of thoughts created dissonance within him. He locked his system and went out for a walk. He reached the lawn and realized that he had never actually visited it. He had only seen it from the cafeteria window. He walked by the boundary of marigolds; unfailingly resonating beauty regardless of the onlookers.

He wondered what his future in the company would be after this fiasco. If he throws in the towel, he’ll become a joke. He’ll have to go for lunches alone, stay silent in the meetings, and accept the worst on any evaluation; just like his last company. Worst of all, he’ll have to practice more self-control than ever to save matters from becoming worse. If he continues fighting… ‘What will I even be fighting for now?’, he thought.

He had read about an auto-immune disease; a condition in which the immune system mistakenly attacks the body. He thought of himself to be one such disease. Any attempts he made at saving himself made way for events that further botched him up. He wondered if there is an end to this struggle. Or is it going to remain this way forever? Forever…

He noticed the two trees at the other corner of the lawn. He felt a sudden urge and moved in that direction. He got reminded of the patch where the boundary of marigolds was missing. The unfortunate corner that he had sympathy for this afternoon. ‘What if it receives the support, maybe it will also grow flowers…’, he remembered and chuckled at the childishness of his own thought. ‘Here the patch itself screwed the shower that attempted to provide it some food’. ‘But why?’ His curiosity made him walk faster. ‘Why did he back out? How difficult could it be to just receive the benefits when someone else is fighting for you?’, he thought. He reached the tree and eagerly looked behind it. He kept looking at it for a minute and then smiled brightly. He shook his head as he laughed and made his way back to the office. The patch wasn’t barren. It was cemented.

Notes by Author:

#corporate life #individuality